Imagine it: Your child eagerly rips the paper off the birthday gift a classmate has proudly presented to him at the birthday party. As the paper tears and reveals the box beneath, your child makes a face and says out loud, “I already have this,” or worse, “I don’t really like these,” leaving you mortified and the giving child in tears!

Most of you won’t have to imagine it—plenty of you have probably seen this scenario go down before. Thankfully, there are ways to prevent this uncomfortable scene from playing out at the next birthday party or holiday where gift-getting is involved.   More importantly, there are ways to teach kids about the importance of gratitude.

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How to Teach Kids to Be Thankful

As parents, we should be establishing a habit of gratitude.  Now that I think about  it, I’m going to up the ante and say we should really be establishing a Culture of Gratitude.  This goes beyond the reflexive act of saying “Thank you” (which is always a good place to start), but spills over to the state of being thankful!

1. Start by Thanking Your Kids (and Be Specific)!

Parenting expert Susie Walton says, “The best way to teach gratitude is to show gratitude.” When your child has been cooperative or helpful, drop the over-the-top praise of, “Wow what a big boy you are!”or “You’re the best helper ever!” and simply show your gratitude by giving a sincere, “Thank you for ____________.”

Including the reason behind the thanks teaches them that “Thank you” is more than just a knee jerk response.  And when kids know what it is they’re doing right, they’re more likely to do it again!  Remember, kids mimic what their parents model, so lead the way and show them how gratitude is done!

Now, when it’s time for your kids to say thank you to others, be kind and sensitive when they forget! RCB Instructor Amy Miller recommends gentle private reminders, like “What can you say before we leave?” or “Do you have any kind words to say?”  to help kids to think about the words they want to use to show gratitude and kindness. Ordering them to “Say Thank You!” or repeating the over-used “What do you say?” in front of the person they are supposed to thank can make both the child and the “thank-ee” feel uncomfortable.

Read our article on Coaching Kids on Manners.

2. Role Play Gift-Getting Scenarios.

Sometimes kids say or do things that look like “naughtiness” because they just don’t know what else to say or do! In fairness to the Ungrateful Birthday Kid, he or she just may have been thinking out loud and may not be aware of the hurtful consequences of his or her words.  We certainly wouldn’t expect or encourage our kids to be dishonest about their feelings, but there are ways to thank others for gifts, even if they don’t really like what the gift is.

Before your child’s next birthday party or holiday gathering, coach them on accepting presents graciously!  If they’re younger, you can make it fun by enacting the scene out with their favorite dolls or action figures. Remind them never to expect presents from people, and that we give gifts to others because we want to show them that we value them and/or we are celebrating them—and that’s what we want to thank the gift-giver for.

It may also help to give kids some helpful phrases, since this may be new territory for them:

• “Thank you for thinking of me.”
• “Thank you! I have one just like this and I like playing with it a lot.”
• “Thank you for bringing me something on my birthday!” or even just
• “Thanks” or “Thank you” (with a sincere smile)

3. Practice Gratitude as a Family.

Research shows that grateful people tend to take better care of themselves mentally and physically, and that they tend to be more optimistic over all.  This attitude of gratitude improves a person’s cardiovascular and immune system functions. There is even evidence that thinking about the people we love lowers the risk of coronary problems.

For kids, studies have shown that those who regularly take part in daily gratitude exercises reported higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, and energy! Studies also indicate these children are more likely to go out of their way to help someone than kids who don’t practice gratitude.

Practicing gratitude can be as simple as asking your child to name one thing they’re grateful for today and why.  Simply taking a few moments as a family to reflect on the abundance in their lives can go a long way to building a culture of gratitude and the health benefits that come with it.

“The place that my family shows gratitude is when we say grace before having our evening dinner,” shares RCB Instructor Jeff Everage. “We go around and say what we’re each grateful for at that moment. That sort of practice in conjunction with Encouragement Feasts, where you model how to say things that are encouraging, grateful, and loving spills over into the rest of their lives.”

by Pamela Layug Laney