What Is Preventing My Child From Listening?

Help! My Child Won’t Listen, Part 1

Frustrated parents everywhere want to know why their kids won’t listen to them. The first thing they should know is that listening is not an innate skill. Listening must be taught, and it needs to be modeled by parents at home.

Next, let’s take a look at some of the reasons children don’t listen to adults.

Why Children Don’t Listen

• Children go through developmental stages of separation and individuation. Kids go through phases where they move away from their parents and become individuals. This is typically seen between the ages of 3-5, 10-12, and 15-17.
• Parents talk too much. Research shows kids under 5 can only effectively listen for 7 seconds, max.
• Our tone of voice is too harsh. When we speak in shrill or aggressive tones, our kids become discouraged and wind up tuning us out.
• We don’t listen to them. Kids learn more from what we do (or don’t do) than from what we say!
• We ask them to do too much at once. Sometimes what we ask of kids involves too many steps to rememberor is too overwhelming for the child. Breaking things down into smaller steps or focusing on just one step at a time makes it easier for the child to remember.
• We interrupt our children when they speak. 
  
• Our timing is off. Kids are less likely to listen when they’re hungry, tired, or stressed. Address these needs first, and your child will be more receptive to what you have to say.
• They aren’t equipped to do what we ask. If we haven’t taught our kids to do conflict resolution or to self-soothe, then we can’t expect them to follow through when we order them, “Stop fighting!”
• Stressors in the family. Just like with adults, family issues affect a child’s ability to concentrate and listen.